2 jokes

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.”
They stopped – after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

-*-*-*-

President Bush calls in the head of the CIA and asks, How come
Jews know everything before we do?”
The CIA chief says, “The Jews have this expression – ‘Vus titzuch?’
The President says, “Hell, what’s that mean?”
Well, Mr. President”, replies the CIA chief, “It’s a Yiddish
expression which roughly translates to “what’s happening”. They just ask each other and they know everything.”
The President decides to personally go undercover to determine if this is true. He gets dressed up as an Orthodox Jew (black hat, beard, long black coat), and is secretly flown in an unmarked plane to New York, picked up in an unmarked car and dropped off in Brooklyn’s most Jewish neighborhood.
Soon a little old man comes shuffling along. The President stops him and whispers, “Vus titzuch?”
The old guy whispers back: “Bush is in Brooklyn”….

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